Friday, May 15, 2009

Male Hip-Hop

So... all the dudes are always saying how Hip-Hop is female... I get it, nothing so beautiful could be male... ha! But I wanted to make it male for a bit... kinda switch things up...

So here it is... Male Hip-Hop

I love you don't leave me,
you love me, you need me.
you are my beats
and I am your words
and together we need to be heard.

cats think its a thing
when they write a few rhymes
about girls, their jewels,
and the cars that they ride.

little do they know its you
that keeps me alive.
for without all your beats,
i think i might die.

ya hold my hand
to try and show me the way
so i strive through each day
still getting no pay

but your love is more
our success is best
when write together each day
its like no work and all play

so i will strive till i die
to give you these rhymes
to give you your hip
to give you your hop.

it needs work... but yeah, male hip-hop.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

no room

so this is what its all about...
ya gotta find yourself, get to know yourself
ya got the dirt under your nails, from crawlin the rails
we tryin to leave our tails in hopes that we won't fail
we are looking at life from another perspective
and stay so true to that

i know i'm learning
stumbling, falling, gettin back up to flip it again
hoping to win this race
so i can look my ma in the face and have faith
i don't need your help so keep your words
i'm so hardheaded, i won't hear it
so, so just leave it out

besides, i'm blockin all the random shit
lookin straight, straight down the barrel
to the skinny and the narrow
i'm gonna be more disciplined
so ya'll won't push me to sin

findin love loosely
and no that don't make me a floozy
its just all ya touch is a doozy
so sue me, alright
but don't keep pushin me or i will fight
cause i don't flight

i stand loosely, but it takes a lot to move me
but i gotta stay true to what i be
its more than a name
its more than fame
but surely fuck this game

i don't chase the dollars
for it only makes cats hollar
no cure to the pain, it still rains
i go for the dream
cause its what will make me beam

i do it for love
with a little help from above

Monday, May 11, 2009

loosing the fight?

A goal without a plan is just a wish....

I had something to say, but its gone. Shhhhiiiit. That's been happening a lot. Used to happen when I had too much on my mind... now, I don't know what the deal is. I have been seeking clarity and calmness... For the rest of the year I am ruling out anxiety. It's bullshit. You hear that anxiety.... I fucking said that, bullshit!! I am doing a little housekeeping, clearing out the cobwebs.... to just chill. I just wanna relax. Everyone is so uptight. Can't stand it, wanna just roll... So, that's what I'm doin'.
What a crazy ass week. Don't wanna bitch, but holy! It really put things into perspective for me. I don't know exactly what I want to do with my life... But I am quickly picking up on what I don't want. I think! My Paps left my Ma again... Can't even count the number of times this has happened. She always looks to me all doe-eyed with a slightly misty expression like what the hell happened this time. I never know what to say. I am not one of those people that are savvy with on the spot talk... So I just listen. Same story, same shit. That's all I think. Then I think life is too short... why do we do this to ourselves??? Then I think, what's love? I am so lost as to what that is any more. I could babble on an on about all this... but for what:? I almost feel it is a waste of space, a waste of emotion, and a waste of energy.
Cage... been listening to him. He is so raw... it's insane, it's intense. His vulgarity draws me in like a moth to a flame... I eat that shit up like a crack baby. It's great. I guess some times you just don't want things sugar coated... n he sure don't do that.
Playin hooky tomorrow night to go to the Zion I show. Really hope its worth it... Hopefully Jessy will come with. I kinda feel like a tool sometimes goin alone. But oh well... I have been really looking forward to it. So if I go it alone, I am still going.
I had this awakening. I wanna write a book. Its about my life. I think its going to be titled "The Music of my Heart". So, look for it someday... It might be out there. I am assigning everyone that comes up as musicians... that way every ones name is masked as well as it includes my one and only love, music... It's always about the music. The story is going to be slightly twisted so that way anyone that tries to figure out which character they are, it will be hard. Actually. It probably won't be. Who knows.
I have been totally diggin this song called X-Ray eyes... its so damn good. I feel the same way about this song as I did about the first time I discovered Cope's song Holdin On. F'ing beautiful. Cope's song is the kinda song you would want to share with somebody. I have always been scared to "have songs with boyfriends" cause then when the man is long gone you have that song that lingers. You know that you torture yourself and play it from time to time. Just to see if you still feel. I have successfully made it though life sharing only two. Mazzy Star's "Fade Into You", and the Beatles' "Something" both with the same guy.
All this love in the air... I have two weddings coming up this month. It made me realize two things.... I have been thinking about what I would do if I had my own... lame, I know. Also, that I haven't dated anyone in like 2 1/2 years. I have heard many stories about wedding planning and the details, details, details. I kinda hope that when and if it ever comes around for me, that a "mix tape" if you can even call it that, comes with the event. The event being the proposal. Does anyone even make them anyone...? I know I do, but then again, I am a rare breed. I think they are the best gift in the entire world. We need to bring them back, if the idea is dead. Another thought, "Love is a Mixtape". One of my favorite books. Some might find it hard to relate to because the music it references is music of the late eighties and early nineties. But still a good read in my book... bad joke.
Well early morning, for me at least. Better try and sleep. Crossing my fingers for some interesting dreams.
all my love.

Monday, April 27, 2009

twilight...

So, I have been reading twilight, the first book in the vampire series. I got the rest of the books as well. So as soon as I am done with the first, I can steadily move onto the second, third, and fourth. I got all the books for a steal. Two at TJ Maxx, and two at Sam's Club. To anyone who is interested, get them at Sam's for sure. They are so much cheaper there compared to Barnes or Borders.
I am hooked like a love crazed 14 year old. It's funny, it makes you believe true love really exists again. It kindles the spirit that all life's drama has robbed from you. You get so wrapped up in the romance saga... you hope that their are men out there like Edward... lol!
It doesn't help that since I was a small child I have been obsessed with witches, magic, and the liking. I thought Harry Potter was bad, but I guess vampires are too. It seems to be more mature than the Harry Potter series though.
It just feels good to be excited about reading again. I mean, I love to read. However, I have been through a series of okay books.... now I am thirsty for more of the twilight vampire stuff... pun intended. I can't believe I am taking a few minutes away from my precious reading time to even write this.
I heard from a friend that the author, Stephenie Meyer, gets much of her inspiration to write from music. And that their is a soundtrack that goes along with her books. I can't wait to download that and see how the music fits with the story line. I don't want to do any premature surfing on the Internet. I don't want the story line, in any way, shape, or form to be spoiled for me. Cause I know when I find a little juice... I would just keep squeezing and squeezing for more!
Well, I will keep updating about my progress. So far, so good....
peace and love.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

if music gets u chocked up, than this is the tree and the rope...

Nothing in the cry of cicadas suggests they are about to die - Basho

In the past six, maybe seven months, I have seen and experienced many deaths. I have been in a patients room when they breathe their last death. This is it, the end of their life. I was there. People ask me about this situation, and I play it down. What am I suppose to say? Something so outlandishly moving that it brings them to tears? I guess the common consensus from a couple varied people is that I don't care, nor do I value the human life. These of course are friends, outsiders to the situation, not colleagues. One word, bothersome, another, untrue.


Saw the Nortious movie the other day.... It was pretty good. It was interesting to look back at all the east coast, west coast hype. I remember when it seemed that I exclusively listened to east coast rappers. Not the case anymore. It's all good, no matter where the coast, even Canada produces some hella beats. So tripe. Also, it got me to thinking how pretty much every artist out there has passion for their music and how industry comes in and ruins it. Thinking they all know what we want to hear. We just want to hear something real, from the heart.

A little somethin, somethin.... lately, the thoughts that have been consuming my mind is the future... not the crazy far away future. But, like the next couple of years future. I am applying to PA school, again. So I have been trying to make this happen. I hope I still feel passionately about everything when its all said and done. Guess I always have good ol' music to fall back on.. if music gets you chocked up, than this is the tree and the rope.........

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

and one more thing...

I keep the pressure locked up
try to push it under my bed
unrelenting pursuit of my success
it plagues my nightmares
and now everything just tares.
I can't get no rest.
shake the feeling so it won't last
every night, pressing down so tight.
can't even catch my breath.
the stability gone, no foundation to stand
its raping me of my fantasies
no childhood dreams
constraining me are life's complexities
all it's simplicities now concealed
don't even know how to feel
somebody help me remember
what matters most... I made my butter,
now give me the toast.

now its the daylight,
and the mood is right.
my melodies carry me away
like I am a stray astranged to the night.
a drum of a lullaby, so I won't cry.
However, the sunshine now
only reminds me of the rain.
do I run till I feel no pain
I gotta follow my heart
though its deep and its dark.
I just don't know where to start
waiting for someone to guide me the way
all they do is lead me astray.
Make me strong before the end
for at night, I only loose my sight
and my willingness to fight.

Just feelin some of lifes complexities at the moment. Doing a little soul searching but I guess I got lost.

I wanted to add to the list.... Don't know how I could've forgotten these guys!
-Citizen Cope
-John Legend
-Common

Peace

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Filthy, Funky, and Always Fresh!

At work again, falling asleep cause its late. Last night was some crazy shit. I got the pleasure of spending some time with this ex-con. He was in the hospital for withdrawal... So the story goes a little something like this.... I was giving this kid a break who watching over him. As soon as he left the room the guy went crazy. He tried to grab my boobs and when I put up my hands in protest he grabbed my hand. He goes "I'm gonna break your mother fucking fingers, bitch". I seriously thought that he was going to break my fingers. Some how I got him off me. After that he was kinda scared of me. Yeah, I am pretty bad ass, I must say. Everyone on the floor was callin him my abusive boyfriend. Thank God I don't have to see him tonight, I got a new batch of crazies.
I got to thinking this morning, before I went to bed, about some of the artist that I would like to see... I was going to do a list of 5. However, I couldn't be that limited, it was hard enough to break it down to 10. Here it goes, in no particular order...
1. Jean Grae
2. Talib Kweli
3. Pink Floyd
4. Portishead
5. The Roots
6. Jay-Z
7. Erykah Badu
8. Lauryn Hill + Fugees
9. K-Os
10. Beastie Boys
This is kind of an all living list... I am sure I could come up with a dead list that would be way longer... So the goal is to some how work on this for the future.
The more days that pass me by, the more angry I am that I haven't been messin around mixing music. We went to a DJ showish thing last weekend and do you think I can grow a pair and go and talk to any of these guys... nope! I am so perplexed as to where to start... I just read and look up stuff perpetually online. Just gotta dive nose first and get wet I guess. Need to get some equip so I can figure it all out myself... isn't that just how the great ones do it anyway!!?? I mean hell, look at Hendrix. Played his guitar up side down and basically backwards... Flipping brilliant.
Watched the movie Hitch before work yesterday. It was a cute feel-good kinda movie. I know I am a million years late on that one. I don't even know why I wanted to see it... I have been in this crazy movie kick watching 4-7 weekly. Its sick. I really liked the Go-Getter, friend recommended... as well as Elegy. I don't know what to really say about the Go-Getter without giving this generic overview of the whole movie. But it made me feel fresh about life and love again. Elegy was a beautiful movie. Ya kinda hope a man feels the same way about you some day. Suppose you should never settle for less than that. Rachel Getting Married was an alright flick as well... Reminds me of my crazy family in bits.
Random question of the minute... What would your Jesus drive? If Jesus was to come back right now and needed some wheels, what kind of car do you think that he would drive? My answer, an old Jeep Wrangler... like a CJ5 with huge tires and a lift kit. He would roll around with his hair flowing in the breeze... real gangsta like with his birkenstocks.

Well thank you and good nite!
<3 Meg

Saturday, April 18, 2009

all night long....

last night at dub land... it was good. Some mixes from djs. always a delight. rather than the usual club scene in rochester. played some old tracks... (insert smile)
question of the moment is music artists... when they listen to music, what do they play? Which got me to thinkin... like when they jump into their cars or whatever, do they listen to themselves? I discussed this with my roommates, and the conclusion was Kanye West... he would listen to himself. cause ah, its Kanye... and Lil' Wayne or T-Pain cause they are in every song. It would be hard for them not to hear themselves if they turned on la radia.... Any thoughts????
been listenin to some good tracks by K-OS... a friends suggestion. Damn, super good shit! Its nice to hear some good kinda uplifting stuff. Some stuff gets a little depressing after a bit. His stuff is fresh and creative. so... check, check, check it out.
Love, love, lovin this beautiful NY wheather! Ah, did I just say that, really... terrible, I am resorting to talking about the wheather. But its been so nice I feel it can't go unnoticed. long december.... if ya know what I mean.
Speaking of unnoticed, I couldn't help but notice the cost of these classes I am taking at U of R this summer...holy crap! Well I can buy myself an education, but it can't get me class... Crossin my fingers that everything works out this time. It seems like I have been in an educational rut. Everything I have been trying to set up, has been crumblin. I guess it just hasn't been the right time. I wish someone would clue me into the right time... so I could chill till the mean time... stop fussin and worrrin.....
fussin and worrin....... I guess according to ah, the world... I should be worried about not havin a man at the ripe age of 25... It seems everyone has taken a hard look at this and keeps pointin it out... ah, thanks! As if I didn't already know myself... but ah, don't rush me... ha, ha... Jean! Shouldn't they be thinkin damn, she is happy, we are happy for her. Nope. Not the American way. Always lookin for the "not haves"..... Sad. Guess I am waiting for a real man... one that can strum my pain with his fingers, sing (or spin... not picky) my life with his words, kill me softly with his song............. ha, ha... riiiiiiiight!
changed my dogg Lilly's name to J Lilla... thank you very much. However, she has got to be like the worst dog ever... so maybe its not a good thing to disgrace my mans name like that. I am just showin the love. well, tired of this for now...
to all my devoted blog fans.....be optimistic and stay creative.... peace!

Friday, April 17, 2009

My heart is Full.

It must be spring, cause I feel inspired. I have been painting again after a strong push from a friend. It's been interesting. But damn, it feels good to get some creative juices flowin'! Everything feels better. Colors seem brighter, music sounds better, food tastes good again... everything all round is more vivid. Maybe I will post some stuff... still a little shy.
I am obsessed with Jean Grae.... if ya haven't heard her, open your ears. She is amazing! Its so good to have a woman MC out there doin her thing. Nothing wrong with the fellas... but, its great to hear the women too. Hopefully I will make it to SXSW next year... guess I will add that to the wish list.. along with an endless collection of vinyl and some super sweet mixing equip... yeah, that would do. well, I guess thats all thats been on my mind for now.
peace.